Forgiveness and Regret
by DunMessWithDBest96
Summary: "I'm sorry I never had the guts to tell you how I felt. Maybe, someday you can get back in touch and tell me how I can make it up to you," were the words echoed by Taichi. Taichi had always loved Chihaya but does she have room in her heart for two guys? Taichi recalls the last day he would see Chihaya before he moved away from her and possibly, her life.


**Romance 101**

**A/N This is my first Chihayafuru fanfic and I really love the show. It is so inspiring and melodramatic. Enjoy the story.**

Taichi Mashima was looking forward to spending the rest of the day unwinding with his best friend, Chihaya Ayase after a grueling 3 hour exam in the hot and humid halls of Mizuzawa High. He knew that unwinding wasn't the first thing that came to Chihaya's mind as she was only interested in karuta.

The brown-haired high school boy slipped his mobile phone out of his pocket and dialed her number. He tapped his foot as the dialing tone continued without any response.

Finally, he heard the sweet sound of her voice through the phone.

" Hello? Taichi, is that you?" Chihaya inquired through the phone.

Taichi smiled and pressed the phone closer to his ear. " Chihaya, how are you doing today? Listen, are you free later this evening? I thought we could go out for some ice-cream and a movie if that sounds okay with you?" he asked hopefully.

Chihaya paused for a while and she sighed. " I would love to Taichi but I'm staying for dinner at Arata's house because I'm heading over there to challenge him to some karuta. Oh, how I miss playing with him and hopefully, this time, I will be able to show him how much I have improved since we were kids. Taichi! You must come over to Arata's house to play karuta with us. It will be just like old times again," Chihaya rambled on.

Taichi gripped his phone tighter and his look of initial eagerness and anticipation was slowly being replaced by a look of dejection, bitterness and resentment.

" Sorry Chihaya but I thought we could hang out together, just the both of us. How often do we do that nowadays? No, I can't make it to Arata's house to play karuta with you guys. I'm sorry," he said, his voice slowly rising.

Chihaya looked annoyed at her phone. " Taichi!? Don't be such a wet blanket. Come on, it will be great. I think Arata would love to have you over for dinner," she continued but Taichi didn't want to listen any more.

" Um….listen. I've got a lot of homework to catch up on. I'll drop by his house some other time. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school then. Hope you enjoy playing karuta with him. Bye," said Taichi before disconnecting the line, leaving the brown-haired beauty very confused.

Taichi just shook his head and walked home in silence. He knew that Arata was trying to win Chihaya over but it seemed like he didn't need to. She was already in love with him and this upset Taichi immensely.

" I miss spending quality time with her, even if it meant crouching on that rough mat and playing karuta with her for hours," he smiled to himself and continued walking.

Ever since after The Nationals at Omi Shrine last year, she was so excited to see Arata and by the looks of it, so was he.

They looked like young couple in love, the way she looked at him, the way he was concerned for her. There wasn't any room for Taichi at all.

" Who am I kidding? I won't lose to Arata. Chihaya is still mine and I'm going to win her," he declared to himself when a fat hand clapped him on the back.

" Hey, Mashima-kun. What's up? Don't you normally walk home after school with Chihaya? Where is she anyway?," Nishida asked looking at Taichi's sad and glacial facial expression.

" You're right but today, she decided to walk home early because she was going to have dinner at Arata's house and play some karuta with him and get cosy," Taichi said sourly.

Nishida's eyes widened and he took another big bite out of his pork meat bun. "Arata? You mean Arata Wataya?" he asked and Taichi nodded.

" What's wrong with that? Weren't she and Arata really close friends last time? You know, at one stage I even believed she liked him," Nishida laughed.

" I wanted to catch a movie with her but she preferred playing karuta with him over spending time with her best friend," he sighed.

" Don't take it so personally, Taichi. You know how determined Chihaya was to see him at Nationals last year. She really misses and looks up to him. You shouldn't begrudge her just one night of quality time with her. Besides, why don't you join them?" he suggested.

" Forget it. Thanks for your advice Nishida but I think I'd rather catch up on my homework than play another long session of karuta. I've already played with Chihaya during recess today," Taichi said before biding Nishida goodbye.

"I guess I'm the only one who suspects that there's something more blossoming between them than just catching up," he thought to himself before taking off his shoes and entering his house.

His mother and sister were out shopping for new clothes so he had the whole house to himself. Taichi picked up a picture frame of Chihaya and him during their childhood and a small little grin escaped his lips.

His house phone started to ring and he quickly picked it up. " Hello? Mashima residence, how may I help you?" he asked through the phone.

" Taichi! You didn't answer any of my voicemails I left on your phone so I decided to call your house to check if you were okay. Taichi, is something the matter? You are acting kind of strange?" she asked worriedly.

Taichi didn't like to worry or lie to her but on the other hand, he was still a bit upset with her spending so much more time with Arata than him recently.

" There is nothing wrong. I'm just a bit tired that's all. Thanks for asking. How is everything going by the way. Did you manage to beat Arata yet?" he laughed and Chihaya heaved a heavy sigh.

" Unfortunately, no. We are playing our third round now. You know, its still not too late for you to join us," she cooed but he just shook his head. " Sorry, but maybe next time when I feel up to it. Have a great night and hopefully snatch a game of him," Taichi smiled.

" Taichi," Chihaya said slowly and Taichi swallowed his saliva.

" You know that you can tell me anything. If you have any problems, you can tell me and I'll help you to solve them. I really want you to be happy," she said softly and Taichi's heart started to melt.

" Yes, I know and I'm grateful to you but don't let me spoil you night. Bye," he said and shut down the phone.

Chihaya looked unconvinced at the phone and she looked sadly at it. " Taichi, I know that something's bothering you but you're shutting me out so frequently even thought I can't seem to understand why," she thought sorrowfully as Arata placed his hand on her shoulder.

" Chihaya, round four is about to start. Hey, is something wrong?" he asked looking concerned at the beautiful girl's saddened and puzzled expression.

" It's Taichi. He's been acting really strange lately and he doesn't want to confide in me or let me know what's going on. It's like he's trying to hide something from me. He's treating me as if I'm the problem," Chihaya said, her auburn eyes brimming with tears.

Arata dried her eyes with a piece of tissue paper and placated her. " Cal down, Chihaya. You know how Taichi can be sometimes. Maybe it's personal conflict or family problems. Whatever it is you should give him some time to clear his mind because I know hot it feels to be hit by a tragedy or even a massive personal conflict. It's like a dagger piercing your heart," he said quietly remembering the pain and anguish he felt when his grandfather was diagnosed with dementia.

Chihaya touched Arata's hand and threw her arms around him. " I just wish I knew what is making him upset, Arata. He is usually so cheery and optimistic about everything," she whispered.

Taichi stared at the millions of twinkling stars plastered against the dark sky and he rubbed the temples of his head. " If only you knew how I felt about you Chihaya, if only you knew how much I love you and how jealous it makes me feel whenever I see you with Arata," he thought.

Taichi folded his arms across his head and laid spread-eagled out on his bed as illusions of Chihaya, Arata and him danced in front of his eyes like wildfire. He was always going to play second fiddle to Arata no matter what he did.

This was his destiny or was it?

Taichi couldn't admit defeat but he couldn't help but ruminate upon how it all started, how her interest in karuta was sparked, how he was roped into this whole charade and how she fell in love with Arata.

Taichi snorted and he tried not too let his disappointment inundate him as he held back glistening tears which were ready to trickle down his cheek as he lay each passing moment thinking about his beloved Chihaya.

" Chihaya, let's face it. The only reason you fell in love with karuta is because you fell in love with Arata….Surely you won't deny me a chance to prove myself to you," he muttered as he drifted off to sleep but his phone began to vibrate and he was jolted from his sleep.

He sleepily looked at the caller name which read Chihaya but he just ignored it and switched off his phone. He did nothing but stare at the blank screen of his phone after it switched off as he couldn't believe what he had done..

He felt guilty for ignoring Chihaya but he felt like a complete asshole for acting like one to her. He wanted her to see that he was upset not to make her upset.

Taichi just wiped the beads of sweat around his forehead and whispered into the phone. " Forgive me Chihaya. I hope you will understand," before crawling back into his forgiving and comfortable bed leaving behind an aura filled with nothing but confusion and regret.

The next day, at Mizuzawa High, Chihaya ran up to Taichi who was busy opening his locker and transferring some of the books into his satchel. Chihaya gave a small smile to the brown-haired boy and waved but he just look drearily at her and slammed the door of his locker shut.

" Taichi, you didn't answer my call yesterday! What happened to you? I was really worried about you and thought that you got mugged or….or…..," her voice trailed off and she look crestfallen at him but he just gave a weak smile

" Thanks for your concern but I am fine. I didn't answer your call yesterday because I went to bed early and probably didn't hear my phone ringing at all. Did you want to talk to me regarding something?" Taichi inquired, as he lied through his teeth.

Chihaya breathed a sigh of relief and she gave him a big smile and squeezed his hand. He blushed and his heart started palpitating faster but he kept on reminding himself that she liked Arata and not him. His wistful expression vanished and he slowly pulled his hand away from hers.

" Well?" Taichi asked and Chihaya looked strangely at her best friend as she knew that he seemed agitated and unhappy about something but she didn't want to pry into that yet.

" Taichi, you don't need to lie to me you know, By lying to me, you're hurting me more than if you tell me upfront. I don't like it when we keep things from each other. We used to tell each other everything but now….it seems that we've drifted apart. What is going on Taichi? I demand to know," Chihaya cried out in frustration as all the students stopped to watch the live soap-opera that was going on between the two of them.

" Chihaya, this is not a good place to tell you. We'll talk about it in the karuta club building," he whispered and walked away from her, leaving her on the brink of crying.

" Taichi…why?" she mumbled to herself before retreating back to her own classroom.

Later at the karuta club building…..

" Well, Taichi are you going to tell me what's bothering you or do I have to force it out of you," she asked looking annoyed at Taichi who was laying out the karuta cards.

He got up and scratched his head. I'm transferring to another school in Osaka because my mom got a job offer there which pays more than her current job so, she couldn't refuse. I didn't want to make you unhappy," Taichi said uneasily as Chihaya was too stunned to even speak or move for ten seconds.

The room was in silence as the sound of the other kids having fun outside echoed in the empty room.

Chihaya slowly blinked and gained her composure before pouncing on him and knocking him to the ground. She began pummeling him and he treid to shiled himself from the rain of blows that was upon him.

" No! No! Taichi, why now? Just when you, me and Arata were reunited, we get separated from you again. Can't you talk your mother out of it or something? Taichi what about the karuta club? What about our eternal friendship?" Chihaya wailed in dismay.

Taichi slowly pushed her off him and looked sad at her. " Chihaya, we both know that this not about Arata, you and I being separated and that eternal friendship thing. Besides, you didnt play karuta for me, you played it so that you could meet him at the Omi Shrine last year at Nationals," he said.

Chihaya went red and folded her arms in denial. " You know that I love karuta for the beautiful and interesting game that it is. Taichi, I have always known that you don't like Arata but he isn't as bad as you claim him to be. He's a karuta expert and on top of that, he is a kind, sensitive, sweet and humble guy," she declared and Taichi just shook his head.

" Exactly. You don't think of me like that. I'm just your best friend and karuta companion at school," he said his voice steadily rising and Chihaya looked scandalized at this statement.

" That's not true. You're also a sweet, sensitive and humble guy," she said but he folded his arms and stared at her.

" Then there is only one difference between him and I. you're in love with him and not me," he said flatly and Chihaya turned red as a tomato before she blushed furiously and she tried to hide the smile that was threatening to appear on her lips.

Taichi looked satisfied at her but she smacked him across the shoulder and yelled at him. " Don't be ridiculous! You're paranoid and selfish. Who says that I'm in love with Arata and what's so wrong if I am? I know you're just trying to be a good friend but there is no need to get all uptight about it."

" So you aren't denying it at all and you still don't get why I'm so disturbed and angry. Well Chihaya, I wish you and Arata all the happiness and love that I can because I won't be around to say it anymore after today," he said before calmly taking his satchel and going home.

Chihaya stared at the neatly arranged karuta cards on the mat and she shook her head in disbelief. " No, it can't be. Taichi doesn't love me. He has a girlfriend. I'm just his karuta- loving best friend who happens to like Arata," she thought to herself before burying her head in her hands and started crying.

" So it is true then, he does love me," she sobbed as she got up and desperately tried to call him but all she could hear was the sharp tone of his voice mail.

Chihaya couldn't go to Arata because he had went out for dinner with his parents and Taichi probably wouldn't want to speak to her in person so all she could do now was go home and try another dozen times to call him.

" Taichi never showed any interest in me so why the sudden interest? Is it because he is jealous that I like Arata and not him? Or is it because that I have been spending more time with Arata than him? " Chihaya looked thoughtfully at her mobile phone in her room that night.

Chihaya drifted off to sleep before being jolted out her slumber by the vibrating of her phone next to her ear. She groggily rubbed her eyes and squinted at the caller ID with bleary eyes. Her brown eyes widened at the name Arata Wataya plastered on her message inbox and she opened it.

" Chihaya, come to my house now. It is something important." The message read and she quickly got ready and rushed to the Wataya household.

" Arata, what is it? Are your parents okay?" she panted after sprinting all the way there. He looked confused and nodded. " They are fine so not to worry. You have to worry about this," he said solemnly handing her a piece of paper.

" It's from Taichi. Before he left for Osaka, he dropped by my house and asked me to give it to you since he said that you would rather listen to me than him. I have no idea what he means but I have a feeling that we did something to upset him. Chihaya, I hope we didn't drive him away to Osaka," Arata said gravely and beckoned her to open the letter.

Chihaya's stomach was full of butterflies and she slowly unfolded the piece of paper. Her eyes scanned through each line but she looked confused at it and showed it to Arata. It's a poem," she said looking puzzled but Arata adjusted his glasses and shook his head.

" No, he's trying to tell you something," Arata said as he read through the poem

_To: Chihaya Ayase _

_Would she stop just for a while?_

_Ask me for the time or day,_

_She could always flash a smile,_

_To blind me and make me sway_

_Beautiful girl, seductive passer-by,_

_Won't you take my clue?_

_Please don't say that there is another guy,_

_Who is making your dreams come true_

_The tension and connection that we share,_

_Whenever her arm brushes against mine,_

_My unrequited love is all I can bear, _

_She may never know I'm not fine_

_Just whisper my feelings into her ears,_

_Caress her and make her feel alright,_

_I'll calm and wipe out all her fears,_

_She'll never be out of my sight_

_Someday when I ask her out,_

_I'll give her what she needs,_

_She'll never have to groan about,_

_A man who never heeds_

_I can sweep her off her feet,_

_She can make my knees go weak,_

_But if our gazes were to meet,_

_She would be too astounded to speak_

_The girl that I've been searching for,_

_Is staring back at my face,_

_The girl that I simply adore,_

_Is waiting for my embrace_

_She will never think of me that way,_

_For I am merely just a friend,_

_A guy like me has no need to stay,_

_For a broken heart he has to mend._

_Love: Taichi Mashima_

Arata analyzed the poem and he could imagine the amount of pain and grief that Taichi experienced when he wrote the poem. He folded the paper and heaved a heavy sigh to Chihaya.

" Well, Arata? What message did Taichi want to convey through that poem?" she asked curiously.

" He's trying to tell you that he has loved you for a long time but you didn't notice it so he has to deal with his unrequited love. You probably won't feel the same way about him because he is just your best friend and that you have found somebody else. So, moving to Osaka helps him to mend his broken heart," Arata explained and tears began to well up in Chihaya's eyes.

" Taichi…..Why didn't I notice?" she thought to herself. " Arata, I have to find him before…" but she was cut off by Arata.

" Before he's gone? I'm afraid you're too late because he left at around eight in the morning," he said glancing at his watch which read half past ten.

" Chihaya, I'm sorry about this and I wish that Taichi didn't need to move but I am curious, just who is this guy who you have fallen for?" Arata asked secretly hoping that it was him.

Chihaya dried her eyes and she gave a small smile. " Someone that you may have known throughout your entire life," she said before biding him goodbye.

Chihaya slowly stepped into the empty Mashima household and she walked up the stairs to Taichi's bedroom where they used to play as kids and confide in each other and she couldn't help it but break down into tears.

She wept uncontrollably and she hugged the photo frame of Taichi and her when they were kids to her chest. " Taichi, I'm in love with Arata but I never said that I didn't love you as well. You rushed off before I could tell you how I felt as well."

A tear dropped onto the glass frame of the photo frame and she choked back tears before kissing the picture. " I love you too Taichi," she whispered.

Taichi just stared at the scenery from inside the train as his mother was busy talking to his sister. He pulled out the photo of Chihaya and him at the karuta festival from his pocket and just continued staring outside the train.

"Chihaya, you're the first of a long list of personal grievances I need to rectify. I'm sorry I never had the guts to tell you how I felt. Maybe, someday you can get back in touch and tell me how I can make it up to you. I'm sure that in the meantime, living well will be your best revenge," he whispered to the photo.

**A/N I hope that you enjoyed the story. I made up the poem in twenty minutes. Not bad, right? Haha. Well, don't forget to review my story as comments and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. **


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